Dear Cambridge, today, I officially let you go!
Dear Cambridge, today, I officially let you go!
It’s been almost two years since I struggled for my Master’s course plan. What made me so persistent and consistent to pursue a Master’s actually? Maybe it’s because I had no idea what should I do next for my endeavor?!
Years ago, I applied to so many universities to pursue my master’s degree, including the University of Cambridge. I was totally aware that it would not be easy for me. But then, I got accepted for the program. I wish I knew what should I do right after that. It turned out I failed for the scholarship and did not get the funding. I held that acceptance for so long only to wait for the funding to come. It never will, since I should make a decision to accept the offer or to let it go.
Such a hard time for me to face this reality since I ‘really wanted to study the course’ at the University of Cambridge. Year passed by and I still got that Letter of Acceptance but nothing seemed to come out for this. I have tried so many times to apply for fundings. And the results were, zero! I failed for them!
Another thing I did was to enroll at some other universities in the UK and in the US. I got three acceptances from the universities in the UK and 1 in the US. All of them, I only got partially funded by them and for the rest of it I should figure that out alone. As an Indonesian, it’s quite difficult to study abroad when you don’t have any secure fundings. If you could manage your time, you may have a part-time job during the summer. But I won’t let myself do that since I am afraid that I will neglect my study and my ability to manage the time.
I still have that little perks in me to continue my study but something changed my perspective during my journey to find my true destiny and journey. I kept asking myself about what was I really intend to do with the master? Do I really need that? Or it’s just because the others do so I should do one?
This journey taught me to accept it is what it is. If you really need to do this, what was the reason? If you got accepted to so many places but you did not get those fundings, then what next?
Honestly, I just want to give up and try to make peace with myself. It took a while for me to realize that my life now and where I am right now is God’s way to teach me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Basically, I had my lowest time and spiral down again and again during those years. But now I know, that it is what it is. I am contented with what I have right now, in the place where I should be and with whom I am to be.
So, Cambridge I just wanna let you go peacefully and I will see you some other times in a different way and at the best time!
Yours Sincerely,
M.
ps: I am grateful for who I am today; living my life in a place where I find my little sanctuary.
